Is This Man the New Seal of Virginia?

RICHMOND, Va. — In recent months, the United States has been consumed by a fervor of discussion and action centering on revisiting, revising, and in certain cases replacing some of the nation’s oldest historical landmarks and traditions. As monuments, flags, and school names have all come under question, it was inevitable that the conversation would eventually reach the symbols of the states.

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Many states wear their history on their flags and official documents. Virginia is no different, but a recent effort to update Virginia’s key state symbol would take things in a very different direction.

“It’s simple,” lobbyist Catherine Dutter stated, “we want to change the seal of Virginia to Seal.”

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Dutter and the group she represents, Repeal the Seal, have spearheaded a five-year campaign to revise the Virginia state seal to include world-renowned singer and songwriter Seal. “The current seal is violent, there’s nudity, there is just not a lot to love about it,” Dutter said of the organization’s main motivation for seeking a replacement.

To help achieve this goal, they have just the man for the job.

“He’s handsome, he’s creative, he’s an advocate for humanitarianism, and once he answers our emails we will know if he’s on board,” Dutter said.

The group hopes to leverage the enthusiasm of younger, politically-active individuals and encourage them to join their efforts. “We just know that this campaign is going to set the 20-30 year old demographic on fire. Remember ‘Batman Forever’? Everyone loves that song from ‘Batman Forever.’”

If they accomplish this goal, Repeal the Seal already has their next target in sight. “After this we’d run right after the state motto. We’d love to change it to ‘Kiss From A Dogwood.’”

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