Half-Empty PBR Can Trashed After Months on Porch Missed by Community

RICHMOND, Va. — With mixed emotions, a Richmond neighborhood bids farewell to a well-known fixture in the community. Last week it was discovered that the half-empty can of PBR that had sat proudly on the porch railing at 1004 Park Ave. since mid-February had been properly disposed of in a nearby trash receptacle. Since then, flowers, candles, and small notes have been left on the Fan porch in tribute.

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“The moment you take something for granted, that’s when you lose it,” local resident Kate Dawson said as she pushed her toddler’s stroller along the sidewalk in front of the house.

Dawson went on to recount how she walked with her child by the porch daily and often exchanged pleasantries with the warm, partially-filled can of cheap beer.

“Always friendly and always kind. Didn’t do a lot of talking, but it was a great listener. I didn’t care much for the discarded cigarette butts or the single right flip-flop that was left on the porch, but that can of putrid beer was beloved.”

Who the rightful owner of the beer was and how it made it into the garbage remain a mystery.

“I’m pretty sure it was Todd’s,” Devon Hughes, a resident in the aforementioned Fan apartment, surmised. “But I don’t know how it got in the garbage. Maybe my girlfriend threw it away since she was getting pretty tired of swatting away the flies. I mean, that little guy was starting to get pretty ripe.”

Hughes went on to say that he was fine with the impromptu memorial that had arisen on his stoop and was understanding of the emotions his neighbors felt.

“I’m going to miss the little guy too. We shared some good memories. I don’t remember any of them, but I’m sure they were good.”

Though many were sad to see the can go, area mailman Bruce Hess expressed hope that this change would lead to other more positive changes going forward.

“Pride. I guess that’s what I felt. Just pride and maybe hope in this community and in America. We’re gonna be alright. Now if we can just figure out who’s walking around with one flip-flop.”
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