Passive Aggressive War Rages Between Neighbors on Nextdoor

NORFOLK, Va. — Ghent residents are on high alert this week after a feud has turned Nextdoor, the neighborhood-specific social network, into a figurative battleground between two bored neighboring suburbanites.

The trouble started last Monday after one member of the Ghent network commented on how beautiful everyone’s yards look on Baldwin Road. Neighbor Sharon Keller, PTO meeting regular and Xanax connoisseur, responded, “Yes, if it weren’t for someone’s dated Thanksgiving door wreath, our street would look straight out of Better Homes and Gardens.”

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Patricia Garfield, owner of the aforementioned Thanksgiving door wreath and habitual drinker of 8:00 a.m. Bloody Marys, replied, “Yes, and it’s a shame that someone keeps over trimming their front hedges. Some people just don’t know how to properly handle azaleas.”

The feud hit a high point on Thursday after Keller posted on the “Recommendations” page, “Can anyone recommend a handyman? Just asking for a nearby acquaintance whose gutters are in DIRE need of repair.”

Garfield, who is apparently highly self-conscious of her sagging gutters, stormed over to her neighbor’s front yard and unplugged Keller’s doorstep lamp, leaving many fellow Ghent residents concerned for both their safety and their neighborhood’s decor.

While Ghent’s Nextdoor page has been relatively quiet over the last couple of days, it has been reported that Keller now leaves her recycling bin in front of Garfield’s mailbox and Garfield is relieving her Pomeranian just over Keller’s property line.

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