Inability to Understand GRTC Pulse Bus Lanes Thwarts Reopen Virginia Gridlock Protest

RICHMOND, Va. — The Reopen Virginia Rally scheduled this morning left organizers scratching their heads, as it seems that they were unable to figure out how the GRTC Pulse lanes actually work.

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“Well, we originally had everything planned accordingly,” Martin Alan, the head organizer, said. “But then I realized we had an old map.”

Alan reportedly reached out to others who planned on protesting, but among them, no one understood just how the city’s Pulse lanes worked, primarily because none of them have ever ventured into the city.

“All I saw was a white minus sign,” Alan commented. “What in the Sam Hill is that? Last time I checked, there was a red light, a green light, and a yellow light. Then sometimes you have arrows. But a white minus sign? Does it even blink?”

The confusing part, according to some attendees, was whether to protest the Pulse lanes only where they encountered them on their way to the original gridlock area or adopt a new gridlock zone that encompasses the entire Pulse route.

Veteran protester Herman Durham wanted to take over the whole Pulse route. “As a longtime protestor,” Durham said, “I’ve learned that we either go big, meaning we tie up the entire Pulse route, or we go home. And if you have noticed, we are protesting against staying home. So going home, well that option just won’t work for us.”

At the time of reporting, the group was reportedly further baffled by the presence of floating parking along Franklin Street, leading one protestor to question how something could be called floating if it was still on the ground.