RICHMOND, Va. – Following a period of unexpectedly cold temperatures, residents of Richmond’s Shockoe Bottom district are celebrating a noticeable reduction in the “Shockoe stank” that normally permeates the neighborhood. “I’m so accustomed to the foul stench of stagnant water and putrid bacteria that I almost didn’t recognize Main Street,” commented resident Marlene Derickson. “This is such a pleasant relief.” Richmond’s leading aromachologists have observed that as daytime temperatures fall below 60 degrees Fahrenheit the smell tends to dissipate, but have announced some disbelief that the stench has improved to such remarkable levels. “We’re rather shocked by the improvement. Our models show that it would’ve taken a nuclear winter to overcome the normal odor,” said lead aromachologist Jeff Sventarn. Meanwhile, the city of Hopewell has unfortunately remained unaffected by the weather, and is moving forward with the planned evacuation resulting from a consistently unbearable smell.
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