RICHMOND, Va. — In a presentation that rivaled the theme park’s annual Fourth of July fireworks celebration, Richmond city officials accidentally destroyed Kings Dominion instead of the former Dominion Energy headquarters located downtown, sources confirmed Saturday.
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According to Jacob Ashton, a spokesperson for the city’s demolition division, blowing up the area’s popular amusement park was the result of a simple name mix-up.
“Oops, wrong Dominion,” Ashton said, standing before burning pieces of steel from the park’s iconic Eiffel Tower replica. “We thought we gave the explosives contractor the right address, but they must have put in the wrong name in Google Maps.”
Whatever the case, rather than rig the former Dominion building to implode, the demolition team apparently placed explosives throughout the Old Virginia, Candy Apple Grove, and Safari Village sections of the park.
“They loaded up Twisted Timbers with what was likely too much TNT,” Ashton continued. “But I don’t see that as an issue since we all miss the Hurler. So, at least we might have gotten some good out of it.”
Officials confirmed that Planet Snoopy, the Peanuts-themed children’s area, was also completely levelled by thermite charges, leaving a 70-foot crater where the Woodstock Express roller coaster once stood. The games and concession stands throughout the park were not spared either.
“The contractors did note the joy of placing dynamite in the buildings that housed those impossible-to-win carnival games that cost $8 to play. We’re happy to say that the giant stuffed animal prizes were completely incinerated.”
The city has promised to make amends for its mistake to Cedar Fair, the owners of Kings Dominion, by offering to rebuild the beloved amusement park in the still-standing Dominion Energy building downtown.