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Amanda Chase Inadvertently Makes Perfect Case for Destroying White History


RICHMOND, Va. — In another of the apoplectic racially charged outbursts that have become her signature, Sen. Amanda Chase (R-Chesterfield) inadvertently made an airtight case for erasing white history in the United States.

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“This isn’t about removing Confederate statues, it’s about destroying WHITE HISTORY,” the colicky old battleaxe proclaimed in a Facebook post. “Why are we just taking down the ‘white’ monuments and not others?”

The caustic rant was intended as a clarion call to white citizens to resist the seismic shift in sentiment against Confederate statuary throughout the commonwealth. However, evidence shows that it may be causing an inverse outcome, sparking shame amongst Confederate apologists and white supremacists alike.

“I used to be so proud of my rebel heritage; my great-great-great uncle was a cavalry colonel under George Pickett,” Darryl Blunt, a mousetrap assembler from Mechanicsville, said. “But then I heard Senator Chase and I was like, damn, do I sound like that? I need to re-evaluate things.”

Blunt does not seem to be alone; central Virginia tattoo parlors are reporting a record number of self-disavowed white pride advocates requesting removal or disguise of hate tattoos following Chase’s social media invective.

“I swear that woman is the devil,” Brandee McGraw said from the waiting room of Tantrum Tattoos in Colonial Heights. “What she said really held a mirror up in front of me, and I hated what I saw way more than I ever hated Mexicans. I say we take it all down: the statues, the flags, NASCAR, Panera Bread—white history is a farce.”

Chase, who announced her bid for the 2021 governor’s race last fall, has shown little sign of tempering her rhetoric. Supporters worry that she may be scuttling her gubernatorial aspirations before her campaign begins in earnest.

“What the hell is that woman thinking?” Chase’s husband Michael asked in the driveway of their Chesterfield home. “I mean, the borderline racist jokes at dinner or the faithful reproduction of Hitler’s bunker in our basement—voters can look past that. But this shit is just… well, I’m not too concerned about choosing new curtains for the Executive Mansion, if you catch my drift.”

“Hell, maybe we need to just let the Blacks and Latinos re-write the history books,” Michael Chase added. “At this point I can’t imagine how they could make whites appear any worse than Mandy already has.”


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