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Manassas Resident Really Stretching Definition of D.C. Area

MANASSAS, Va. — Emphasizing that his hometown lies only a few minutes away from the nation’s capitol, Manassas resident Jacob Rich is really stretching the definition of the D.C. area, sources confirmed Sunday. Rich was recently seen in a Starbucks at Tysons Corner telling acquaintance Manissa Patel that he lives and works near Washington, D.C.

“Work keeps me close to all the movers and shakers, and I love living in the shadow of American democracy,” Rich stated, referencing the small lumber delivery business that he owns and operates just outside of Historic Manassas. “Don’t get me wrong, though. I’m a D.C. guy through and through, not one of those tourists that raves about Ben’s Chili Bowl. I’m pretty sure I see Deputy Secretary of Agriculture Stephen Censky at Clyde’s every Tuesday during happy hour.”

Rich’s stretched definition of the D.C. area became apparent to Patel when he said he lived right over the river, but later revealed that he was in fact referencing the Occoquan and not the Potomac.

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5 Comments on Manassas Resident Really Stretching Definition of D.C. Area

  1. Nope, let it go buddy. You’re not from D.C.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I can’t believe you guys printed this. And I’m so stupid that I actually read it. Why would you folks print this? Really? I want my time backmar

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Dummy doesnt know geography and exposes desire to be recognized as someone from DC

    Fixed the title for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I wouldn’t claim that I had any affiliation with DC.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. sunkissedpeach386 // February 26, 2019 at 1:15 pm // Reply

    And this is news?!?! People do this all the time! OMG are people being that PC these days?!?! SMDH

    Liked by 1 person

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