Manassas Resident Really Stretching Definition of D.C. Area

MANASSAS, Va. — Emphasizing that his hometown lies only a few minutes away from the nation’s capitol, Manassas resident Jacob Rich is really stretching the definition of the D.C. area, sources confirmed Sunday. Rich was recently seen in a Starbucks at Tysons Corner telling acquaintance Manissa Patel that he lives and works near Washington, D.C.

“Work keeps me close to all the movers and shakers, and I love living in the shadow of American democracy,” Rich stated, referencing the small lumber delivery business that he owns and operates just outside of Historic Manassas. “Don’t get me wrong, though. I’m a D.C. guy through and through, not one of those tourists that raves about Ben’s Chili Bowl. I’m pretty sure I see Deputy Secretary of Agriculture Stephen Censky at Clyde’s every Tuesday during happy hour.”

Rich’s stretched definition of the D.C. area became apparent to Patel when he said he lived right over the river, but later revealed that he was in fact referencing the Occoquan and not the Potomac.

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