RICHMOND, Va. — Stressing the importance of the society and a lack of funding, VCU tour guide Kelly O’Ryan reminded her prospective students that it wasn’t too late to begin donating to the university’s alumni society, sources revealed Wednesday.
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“Regardless of whether or not you decide to pursue an academic career at our wonderful university, it’s never too late to join the alumni society and become a valued donor,” O’Ryan explained to the group, detailing some of the benefits that the alumni society offers.
“After all, where else can you network with other university alumni? It’s not like there are any websites that exist strictly for networking and reconnecting with fellow students, like some kind of social media thing.”
O’Ryan’s tour, which consisted primarily of high school students who will soon be applying to colleges and universities, included a stop to marvel at the large horns on display at the University Student Commons, which, according to verified sources, have done absolutely nothing for the school, its students, or alumni.
“See those giant ram horns? If you become a proud donor today, you’ll be able to pat yourself on the back knowing that your money went to purchasing two horns that we like to think symbolize just how amazing it to be a ram for life.”
O’Ryan’s tour concluded with a PowerPoint presentation regarding the benefits of the society, before handing out the preliminary membership forms to her prospective applicants and asking if they’d like to join the society’s mailing list.
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