CHARLOTTESVILLE, Va. — Expressing a false enthusiasm for fall-related outdoor activities, local resident Eric Bernard agreed to go apple picking on his first date with Tinder match Katie Simmons, sources reported Friday.
“This girl’s photos were really cute, so I asked if she wanted to do something this weekend,” Bernard said. “I meant like, get a drink or even dinner. But then she said she hadn’t been apple picking yet this season and suggested doing that.” Bernard explained that he pretended to love the idea in an effort to seem spontaneous, fun, and up for anything.
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“I guess I have to buy a sweater because I told her how excited I am to start wearing them again now that it’s fall,” Bernard commented. “I also had to look up what PSLs were after she mentioned getting them on our way back.” Bernard reported that he has never before been apple picking and views it as a waste of time for something could literally be bought at any grocery store.
At press time, Bernard was seen mustering every bit of fake enthusiasm he could possibly produce when Simmons suggested a second date to the local pumpkin patch.
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