Park Rangers Issue Warnings After Hiker Encounters Pack Of Basic Bitches

CHARLOTTESVILLE, Va. – A local hiker experienced an unnerving encounter yesterday after meeting a wild pack of basic bitches in Shenandoah National Park.

Crozet resident, Gary Reinhart, had hiked approximately three miles of the Furnace Mountain Trail when he crossed paths with the group. Reinhart failed to notice the tell-tale scent of Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Lattes and Ugg boot-prints until it was too late to avoid confrontation.

“All of the sudden I heard shrill laughter and, ‘I got like, so wasted from those margs last night. Did you see my snaps??’ It was terrifying.”

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Shenandoah park rangers are now urging hikers to be alert and aware of their surroundings, especially when visiting the park alone. Until recently, Becky sightings were uncommon this time of year. According to rangers, these females normally begin venturing farther from their dwellings during spring months in search for “like, nature and stuff.” Many wildlife experts are blaming climate change and the warmer, milder winters for the increase in basic bitch activity.

Fortunately for Reinhart, years as a Boy Scout had left him well-versed in survival skills.

“In a loud, stern voice I yelled, ‘Get out of here! Go!’ I also made myself as menacing as possible by waving a nearby branch and stomping my feet. Thankfully, they just rolled their eyes and called me a freak. I consider myself a lucky man.”

Park rangers request that the public report any additional basic bitch sightings to the National Park Service. Hikers should be particularly wary of females displaying the infamous duck face, a sure sign of a rabid Becky. Authorities are currently considering the option of relocating girls to a more secluded area of the park if these encounters persist.

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