Wait for Election Results Almost Old Enough To Date Joe Morrissey

LAS VEGAS — As days pass after the election, the wait for the much-anticipated presidential election results is almost old enough to date Virginia Rep. Joe Morrissey, D-16th, officials confirmed Thursday. 

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“While this wait surely isn’t attractive, it is drawing the attention of a certain politician in Virginia,” Carol Snyder, a spokesperson for the Nevada Election Commission, said on Thursday, adding that the wait is expected to mature in figure as the final ballots are counted.

“The wait, while still very young in the grand scheme of things, has proven to be full of spunk, curves, and surprises, so we’re not totally shocked to hear that some greasy politician might be eyeing up the length of time it takes to conduct a proper election. If we don’t have a new president picked out by Friday, we fully expect to see Joe Morrissey having a date with the concept of time in a local Starbucks over the weekend.”

Snyder went on to mention that Morrissey had reached out to the Nevada Election Commission to see if the wait would like an internship at his personal office once the absentee ballots had been counted.