RICHMOND, Va. — Following former Vice President Joe Biden’s triumphant victory in the 2020 Presidential Election, former Gov. Terry McAullife announced this morning that he is suffering from his worst hangover in years.
“Man, we cracked open the first case of Vienna Lager after they called Pennsylvania for Joe, and the rest of the day just turned into a blur after that” an indisposed McAullife told reporters between sips of Gatorade and water.
“Ugh, I feel like total death. We haven’t thrown down like that since the 2014 inauguration bash. I think at one point around 1 a.m. we tried prank calling [Ken] Cuccinelli but gave up when we couldn’t find his number in my rolodex.”
The governor was forced to conclude his brief statement due to sudden nausea and fatigue, calling on his aides to bring him clusters of bananas and cartons of tomato juice, before stumbling toward the Executive Mansion and banging on the front door, yelling for Gov. Ralph Northam to “come down and let him in.”