Hardywood Releases 12 Variants of Gingerbread Stout That You’ll Have to Convince Yourself Are Different

RICHMOND, VA. — Citing public demand for one of the most popular seasonal beers, Hardywood Park Craft Brewery revealed plans to release 12 versions of their famous Gingerbread Stout, or GBS, that consumers will have to convince themselves do not all taste exactly the same.

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According to Hardywood, the stout, which features vibrant ginger and honey flavors and causes fans to line up two months in advance, will have a dozen different variants released one by one. The multiple releases will have ever so subtle flavor profiles such as sweet, sweet but with coffee, sweet but with chocolate coffee, and sweet but with 13.5% alcohol.

Despite the similar flavor profiles, beer enthusiasts will flock to Hardywood to try every single variation in time for the holidays. Local Hardywood fan Nelson Drake was thrilled at the new offerings.

“I ordered each one and they are all clearly completely different. It’s insane how that much flavor can be packed their beers,” he explained. “The aromas of the bourbon barrel version are just exquisite, while the flavors of the apple brandy are traditional yet zippy.” However, it was later revealed that he had in fact been served 12 glasses of the same original Gingerbread Stout.

Hardywood brewer Hank Sheehy explained that the actual problem is likely with the consumer. “I’m sure people will wisecrack about how our beers might taste similar, but here’s the thing, everything tastes similar when you’re about a liter into beer with 9 to 13% alcohol content. I once got so sloshed one night, I thought I had ordered one of our GBS stouts with a delicate bouquet of locally sourced maple syrup, but in reality I was sucking bourbon out of a Mrs. Butterworth’s bottle older than I was.”

Though many claim the beers taste similar, high sales tell a different story as each new GBS variant has grown in popularity. Recent customer Bob Sheldon explained how each beer tastes unique to him.

“I love the seasonal flavors, it’s just the perfect thing to get me in the mood for the holidays. I spent an insane amount of money on each of these, and they are all incredibly different, with a wide range of subtle notes. Have I tried any of them yet? No, I have not, but I opted for the 12-pack this year instead of paying to travel home for Thanksgiving, so I am refusing to admit otherwise.”

Acknowledging the complaints, Hardywood has announced a preview for their GBS lineup for 2021, which will include “Kiwi Candy Cane Coffee Mango Sandalwood GBS,” “Roasted Turkey Prime Rib Apple Tin Foil GBS,” and a new variant simply called “Miller High Life.”

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