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Kim Gray Makes Claim That Deceased Gwar Victims Voted Illegally in Virginia

RICHMOND, Va. — In an effort to further substantiate claims of voter fraud in the 2020 Election, Councilwoman and former mayoral candidate Kim Gray has claimed that numerous victims of the Richmond band Gwar voted illegally in the commonwealth, her office announced Friday.

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Gray, who lost the mayoral election to incumbent Mayor Levar Stoney, is calling for a special recount of Virginia ballots to identify ballots cast by anyone who fell victim to the interplanetary warrior demons since their formation in the 1980s.

“Gwar has played thousands of shows and tallied up quite a body count of slaughtered scum throughout their career,” a representative from Gray’s office stated, adding that they were in the process of contacting multiple music venues to obtain death records of any audience members who met their fate by being thrown into the band’s meat grinder onstage.

“In addition to decapitating and hacking off the limbs of celebrities and politicians, Blothar, Balsac, Beefcake, and the late Oderus Urungus have consistently pulled fans onto the stage, only to toss them to their deaths in the meat grinder — and we have reason to believe that these deceased concertgoers may have fraudulently voted this year.”

“We absolutely need to count every vote, but we also need to cross check death records from The National, The Norva, the 9:30 Club, and other venues across the commonwealth to make sure that patrons who were killed onstage during a Gwar gig aren’t casting votes in our elections,” Gray’s representative continued. 

At the time of reporting, longtime Gwar manager Sleazy P. Martini had issued a statement saying, “Oh you fucking pussy slimedogs want to run this city, thinking a bunch’a dead jack-offs voted for you? Fuckin’ losers. We own these fuckin’ streets and are going to dress Stoney in his own entrails when this COVID shit is over with.”

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