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Ralph Northam Assures Virginia He Will Not Participate in Black Friday

RICHMOND, Va. — Still reeling from his blackface scandal last February, Gov. Ralph Northam has assured Virginia that he has no intention to participate in Black Friday this year. 

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In a press conference yesterday, Northam offered his sincere assurances that he will not get involved in the annual shopping tradition. 

“I want every Virginian to know that I am committed to equality for everyone and that hatred and bigotry have no place in the Commonwealth,” Northam said. “As a show of good faith, I will have no involvement in Black Friday this year.”

Northam’s plan to avoid Black Friday was widely panned by Virginia Republicans who felt the governor’s refusal to spend the day practicing needlessly hedonistic consumerism is un-American. Virginia House Speaker Kirk Cox, R-Colonial Heights, called it “political correctness run amok” and “not at all the same thing as appearing in a photo next to someone in Klan robes.”

During the press conference Northam provided a detailed description of his planned Thanksgiving weekend festivities. 

“I’ve got a great holiday in the works,” Northam explained. “I’m getting a free deer from a couple of Indians. We’ll all have some turkey, I’m particularly a fan of the dark meat, and then I’ll throw on my Redskins jersey for a game of backyard football with my cousin Jed and his family.”

Without the opportunity to take questions, aides rushed Northam off stage immediately when the governor offered to teach everyone how to Whip/Nae Nae.

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1 Comment on Ralph Northam Assures Virginia He Will Not Participate in Black Friday

  1. Citizen of US // November 25, 2019 at 8:11 am // Reply

    He is so busy tasking himself with totally fabricated black issues and chasing others; his guilt over the KKK outfits shines like the sun. Why not work to solve inequality in all issues to include age, sex, physical disabilities, color, and religion? Have I covered them all yet? One thing that never should have been done was giving convicted felons their voting rights. Voting is a privilege of citizens who have not seriously broken the law. He does this but does nothing for citizens who are victims of fraud carried out by for profit colleges. He must not realize that it is predominantly poor first generation students who are victims of this crime carried out by companies who happen to be major political donors to both sides. I guess if you pay off those tasked with justice you can commit any crime or injustice you wish.

    Liked by 1 person

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