Northam: “Fine, Fuck It. Go Get a Haircut.”
RICHMOND, Va. — Waving his arms in frustration, Gov. Ralph Northam announced his feelings of “fuck everything and everyone right now” in an official press release today.
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The governor was halfway through his most recent announcement detailing potential plans in Virginia’s strategy to mitigate COVID-19, before going off script to declare that he was just about fucking done with everything.
“You know what? Fuck it,” Northam impatiently exclaimed, before balling up his prepared speech and throwing it into the crowd of reporters and Reopen Virginia protestors.
“You all want this state back open so badly? Fine, fucking have it. Go get your haircuts. Go get your fucking nails done. Go make sweet whoopee to your neighbor on the beach while wearing a condom made from the Virginia flag while screaming ‘FREEEEDOOOM!’ at the top of your lungs. I give up. And while you’re at it, you can spell Virginia however damn well you please!”
After catching his breath, an exhausted Northam called Lt. Gov. Justin Fairfax to the room, saying, “You can govern for the rest of the fucking year, I just can’t with these people.”
The Peedmont 
I feel for him! People giving him shit and he’s trying to do the right thing!! They are opening to early. People don’t want to listen and want to complain about not doing things like haircuts, nails, shopping. Wth people?? All that’s gonna happen is we will have to be quarantined again and if that happens it WILL BE LONGER AND MORE INTENSE.
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Sorry disagree this country needs to open. You want to stay locked up at home then that is your choice.
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No one gives a shit if you disagree. You deserve to get sick and die painfully for being an insufferable idiot.
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Not true! His only reason for being governor of VA is because he wants a chance at running and winning for president! It improves his odds!
We are not a communist or socialist nation yet! We will be if the Democratic Party gets what it wants!
Most of use are hard working people that are trying to make a living! Not talking about the free loading illegals or the younger people that don’t want to work! This nation was built on the small business! Those nail technicians and hairdressers make just above poverty!
He should have been removed before now! Please leave!
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So you feel sorry for a bag of dicks tyrant? Well then your just as fucking sorry as he is.
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This is America my friend, if you want to stay home do so but a governor should not have the power to tell everyone to stay home.
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Dumbasses like yourself will end up sick then ask for prayer when you shoulda stayed the fuck home.
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I LOVE IT! Im sure he is tired of people bitching about opening up. If he said anything goes, everything is open he would have a group up his ass to fuss about that so its really Damn if Do, Damn if I don’t. He can only advise and what people do it on them. But don’t talk bad about him because he is doing his job as Governor. I feel sorry for him, he is being consumed with all the stress of trying to make it best for the state and all people can do it complain. Typical USA behavior because some people let the amendments and freedom go to your heads. But if he dropped the F bomb like that I say LET’S MAKE HIM PRESIDENT! He won my vote!
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This has turned into a political stunt. The Democrats are trying to destroy our economy, because since all of their attempts to get rid of a Trump have failed, they’re willing to sacrifice America! Their disdain for Trump is stronger than their love for their country. All because their criminal candidate lost the presidency & Trump is exposing the democrats for who they really are. Think about it; makes total sense. Democrats are evil people!
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It’s easy for Northam to make those kind of comments when he’s not the one getting laid off with bills coming. I feel sorry for those barbers, restaurant owners and salon folks many of whom got laid off and are out of work
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Please tell me what drugs your on lol. He’s nothing but a communist lunatic
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Moron. Quarantines and stay at home orders does not create herd immunity. Sunshine, fresh air, public interaction does. This has been no worse than a bad flu strain. Only in Democrat run cities do we see large numbers of “covid” deaths. Doesn’t matter if the actual cause of death is a heart attack, car wreck, head cut off by a flying lawnmower blade, etc., it is written up as covid. More taxpayer $$ goes to the “professionals” for the diagnosis. Wake up and stop being a mind controlled puppet.
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Fuck praying dont get you anywhere false hope.keep your ass home if you want to pray .god isnt going to drop money bags out of the sky to pay your bills an put food on the table. Only thing thas going to do that is get your ass out to work.the strong will survive
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What are you afraid of, more people died from the as your Governor said the FUCKING flu last year. If you wish to stay inside and quiver in fear fine that your right to do so be do take my rights away from me .
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Right thing? He wouldn’t know the right thing if it bit him in the butt..
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Those who would give up liberty for safety deserve nether.
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What kind of man is the governor? No governor has ever spoken this kind of language when talking about the people he is supposed to be representing. I know now I have lost all or any respect that I had for Gov. Northam.
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I don’t blame him at all.You can’t govern people when they got a mind of their own.When shit hit the fan again they will blame it on him.The he’ll with it.Let them do what they want.Some have know common sense what so ever. The man just trying to do what he thinks is best.Cant win for losing.
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OH MY GOD DO YOU REALIZE THIS IS SATIRE???? This is a joke. It’s meant to be funny. If these comments are plants by the Peedmont, then well played Peedmont, tip of the cap to you for doubling down. If not then Christ on a Pony I weep for humanity.
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No worst than some of the things Donald has said with or without profanity
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It’s a satire page, this isn’t true at all
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By the looks of your comment you have no common sense or grammar.
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You know this is a satire website right? It’s humor. He did not actually say this.
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I dont think they do, lol.
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Neither can our President.
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Let Freedom Ring. Everybody goes through disasters there will always be virus and diseases We have to cope with this not be shut down and told what to do and when.America is strong
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You do know the meaning of satire don’t you?
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This is a sataire site.
And he isn’t a man, he is a tyrant and should be felt with accordingly, swinging from an oak tree.
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I would be same way. People throwing fits like toddlers because they can’t take care of their self sad
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You know this is a satire site, right? This didn’t actually happen.
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Aww you are one of the stupid fucks that think the virus is a reason to ruin our country and send us all into the poor house with our rights being stripped away. Shut the fuck up idiot.
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I for one have no respect for you Ralphy boy. You play dirty and it will come back at you .
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Everything needs to open back up we have people that has been out of work since last December from IKEA got a big servance package and was still able to draw unemployment making $1000.00 a week all the way to July 24 and dont even have to look for a job and look at places before that that want even hiring tell me how that can go on. This Virus is here to stay it is not going anywhere so stop this unemployment and put these people to work. The people in the medical field have to go every day the grocery store workers the truck drivers so what makes anyone else any different. The longer the government gives them money they will never return to work so cut it out and see how many start scrambling for a job.
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What I dont understand when he tell the lt governor he has it the rest of the year what I dont understand is he thinks he was doing his job hummm idiot oh asshole just so you know. YOU WORK FOR THE PEOPLE OF VIRGINIA THEY DONT WORK FOR YOU. YOU DO WHAT YHE PEOPLE WANT NIT WHAT YOU WANT. I THINK THESE IDIOTS HAVE FORGOTTEN THEY ALL WORK FOR US SO DIOSHIT FUCJ IT WORTHLESS GOVENOR…….YOUR FIRED YOU MAY LEAVE NOW AND GO TO YOUR OWN HOME NOT THE ONE PEOPLE LET YOU STAY IN AND YOU WILL RECEIVE NO BENIFITS NO PAY AND NO RETIREMENT GOOD BYE DIPSHIT
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Jim just so you know I’m one of the people that furloughed from my job for 90 days. I never wanted to be furloughed. In fact I literally panicked when I found out. Let me tell you something I’ve been with my company for 9 years so far. Your talking about the unemployment money I’m receiving.Your correct I do receive $1000 a week but let me tell you I make more than that a week working. You must be one of the ones who wasn’t able to draw on your unemployment. Don’t hate!! I’m ready to go back to work as soon as my job says we can cant wait. Ive paid into unemployment my whole life. I earned that $$$!! Sounds to me like someone might just be a little jealous!!You have no business categorizing everyone on unemployment and saying that they need to get back to work. Duh!! It really doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that out!! Im in sales in the hospitality industry. So we were really hit hard with the quarantine order. When the day comes that my employer feels its time to get back to work. Ill be the first one there. Your definately being a hater if you yourself were receiving these benefits which obviously your not. Im sure you would be singing to a different tune. So don’t speak on what you know nothing about!!! #EmployedAllMyLife
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I feel your frustration I would’ve done the same thing….Let them bury themselves
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You are a real stupid bitch arent you? To be honest we dont care if you hide in your house scared of something that is no worse then the flu. But that doesnt mean you can take the rest of our rights because you live in fear. But I dount you are really scared of catching something, you more then likely are a fucking bum that is eating up unemployment and just dont wanna have to get back up off your bum ass and get a job. People like you make me fucking sick
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Need to vote him out. He is no good for Virginia.
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If only we were so lucky!
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Most people in Virginia by this time would LOOOOVE to boot the baby-killing blackface Klansman out of office and govern in his place.
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F him!!
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Really I don’t think the Gov would use that kind of language and attitude.
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Is this true? Did our governor really say this?! If so he does not need to be in office!!
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No. This is a satire website. Please evaluate sources when you read news on the Internet.
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OMG. I want this to be true!
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Good riddance asshole, be sure to take Justin “I can’t keep it in my pants” Fairfax with you.
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Good riddance asshole, be sure to take Justin “I can’t keep it in my pants” Fairfax with you.
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This article is disgusting and your lack of sensory is ridiculous
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Makes me so ashamed Va. Voters voted him in. Makes me want to leave and never come back.
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ITS FAKE. Read the website you’re on. It’s made up. Virginia needs new residents apparently. It’s a joke because of all the idiots rioting trying to force the Governments hand and get their way.
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No janet you are disgusting . And so is fucking blackface and his will to trample our rights and wipe his ass with our freedom. People like you are so disgusting that itbmakes me sick to my stomach. You fucking CNN cunts are the laughing stock of the nation. To god damn stupid to even realize it.
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i can relate to this i live in irving texas and watched so much crap people are not
obaying. rules i can relate to the frustrations if people dont listen they will suffer
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Temper, temper, temper.
Poor widdle Ralphie can’t take it any more.
Guess what, Ralphie? Letting someone else fill out the rest of your turn makes all Virginians WINNERS!!!
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I’m with you governor… Let them do what the hell they want. By the end of June we will be closed again and this time till Thanksgiving.
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Very professional
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Only a real fuckind dumbass believes the shit the propaganda machine is putting out over this “virus”. Shit the fuck up dipshit.
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Northam is a blithering idiot.
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All this has shown me what a spoiled country we live in. We are all so use to getting what we want that we don’t know what to do when we don’t get what we want. He is trying to do best by the people. I see how selfish people are every day. I would be just as frustrated as he is!
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Thank you Gov. Northam for speaking common sense to those who REFUSE it. You can’t fix stupid.
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You can’t fix stupid, Governor. These people are a danger to themselves, and worse off, their community.
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Everybody getting mad at the governor but what y’all don’t understand is if it was y’all in his position y’all would have done the same thing. A person can only take so much and when you have over millions of people to make decisions for it does become a headache. Everybody worrying about there nails and hair and Northam is worried about the safety of our country. I want everything to open back up just like everybody else but when we are ready I don’t want to take nothing home to my family because people want to be careless, and selfish. Wake up people we are living our last days.
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So are you saying the president of the US can have the same foul mouth in public? Saw no one complaining! Returning all things to a normal pace will be bad and last much longer
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I don’t blame him at all.You can’t govern people when they got a mind of their own.When shit hit the fan again they will blame it on him.The he’ll with it.Let them do what they want.Some have know common sense what so ever. The man just trying to do what he thinks is best.Cant win for losing.
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I would’ve been laughing my ass off!!! That would have epically funny 😂😂
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they already took this off of You Tube..This man has no right being a governor if he cannot hold his temper when having a conference, in front of cameras. I have never liked him. He is all for abortions which he deems necessary surgery but other surgeries have been canceled. There is so much more. So much
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Took WHAT off youtube? It’s a flipping JOKE! Stop spreading lies. People like you are the reason we have so much fake news now. I bet you believed Trump was wading in the water during the hurricane recoveries carrying people to safety too.
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I really wish people would stop being self fish….I think these people haven’t lost a love one from the virus. What is the big hurry…numbers are increasing! What do people want to have the death toll numbers increase even more! This is really sad, rally about opening the state…really when conditions are still unsafe! I wish people would rally about surrendering to God!
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Northam is a pediatrician and has no business being the governor of Virginia. The people of Virginia are ready to go back to work and have normalcy. The virus is not going to go away. Just like the flu, we combat it by coming up with a vaccine. He (Northam) is trying to play a game called Democrat. Look at the list and you will see he planned for Virginia to be quarantined until June 10th (the latest date of any other state). He believes in full-term abortions to kill babies. He denies his racist actions dressing black-face in his college years. His actions in this article are a repeat of how Pelosi acted while tearing up . . . you saw her tantrum fit. Democrats believe the people work for them but according to the Constitution it’s not the way it works.
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Please make it stop. The ignorance of you Republican clowns. Being Democrat doesn’t make you a murderer. Being someone against abortion doesn’t make you PRO Life either. This virus is NOT like the effing FLU. There is no vaccine in sight for a LONGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG time. Talk crazy somewhere else Karen.
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People don’t understand satire.
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The number of you who don’t realize this is Satire Comedy is unreal….. drink that cool-aide
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The fact that most of you commenters don’t understand this is satire, cements my New England elitist attitude regarding you dumb Southerners. #WeWouldWinAgain #CivilWar2
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As an essential worker and watching this unravel from the beginning this pandemic is hard for everyone yes. And yes the state is one lock down or in better words trying to keep the virus from spreading at a minimal. Now since all this has started ive worked 70hrs plus, i have watched the senior citizens go without because everyone freaked out when they were told to stock up. My point is noone complained when they were going into these stores wiping them clean or getting attitudes when the grocery stores were out of things or the long lines that some stores had all because NOONE WAS PREPARED FOR THIS NOT THE GOVERNORS NOT THE PRESIDENT NOONE so while everyone complains about being stuck at home and not being able to do what they want take this time and reflect reflect on whats in front of you your family. We as working Citizens get wrapped up in our day to day lives and we forget what important. So take this time enjoy one another relax and self group. Because lets face it when its all over the world is gonna be crazy all over again and the same people complaining are gonna be the same people wishing and wanting things to be calm and peaceful. Just remember the ones that are out here everyday trying to make trying to stay as safe as possible because they have husbands wives kids to go home to. Now is how he handled things right no not by any means but when you are.trying to do what you think is best or will help and all that he gets is kick back and complaints whats he supposed to do because lets look at it this way what would people have said and done if he wouldnt have reacted.
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I’m not a big fan of our Governor but I don’t believe in opening the state up all at the same time I loss a friend to this virus It’s not worth one more Virginia’s life to open it all the way back up It will spread like wildfires and when you start lossing family members or friends you may change your mind Yes I need a haircut but its not word dieing for People are so self centered and selfish Where is your faith in God to take care of your needs ?? This is insane
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I feel him because he’s trying to keep people safe but they don’t want to listen but when people like family and friends start dropping like flies or they get sick themselves..omg why and how did this happen.. it’s because some of y’all wanted to be hardheaded and impatient .. but then if y’all get sick you want the doctors and nurses to risk their lives to save y’all because you just needed VA to open up so badly oh and then want to pray as well to get better .. I just need people in Virginia to just have patience and listen to what our Governor is saying. I know for a fact that if Virginia opens up too quickly it’s going to get worse and then everything is going to have to completely shutdown ..oh and guess what you’re back to square one & to the ignorant people who are trying to say omg I can’t believe he said that … guess what I believe it because it seems as these suppose to be adults that are complaining about Virginia not opening are acting like toddlers with all that whining.. Grow up .. damn it ..
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Florida’s open and it’s fine.
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You know how many people are ineligible for unemployment especially if you just started a job. They needed go reopen a month ago. People are hurting out here.
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I can’t believe everyone that believes everything they see on the Internet is true ..lol
This is SATIRE people !!!
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lol 500 people commenting like this is real
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It’s easy to run a state/country when times are good but real leadership shows when all hell breaks loose. He doesn’t make the cut….
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Hey guys just let it happen and natural selection will take it’s place!!!
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Yall know this is fake right lmao
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Let them open up get sick and kill people they love for a haircut I live in Canada and we will keep our border closed as long as there is stupid stuff going on like that
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I support the choices he has made so far… I am sad people want to give him a hard time due to the COVA-19. I understand people that business are shut down… Now if we open and have of VA become down with the COVA-19 no one will work or have an income until next year
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You DO know this is a satirical website right? As in it’s not real.
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You know how, for example, there are gays that we can get along with no problem, right? Because they know they preferences and lifestyle are their own personal choice and don’t try to force their ideologies on everyone. And then there’s those gays that have to be obnoxiously loud that they gay, over the top about every little thing demand to be placed on a pedestal for just being gay; the attention seekers, the one’s yelling “It’s ma’am!” In the middle of a GameStop. Same for patriots. The have the patriots that serve our country, are not racist because they educated people who know this country was created by immigrants, the ones who have common sense, of course. Then there’s some of you stupid, simple, asinine buffoons who are oblivious to anything around you other than your swollen, ‘Merican racist antagonists that think you know everything. I don’t know everything, for sure, that’s why I always strive forward with an open mind to learn. However, I do know this: you few bunch of “patriots” are a deadlier virus to this country than Covid-19. No matter how long we isolate, y’all are still there with your entitled asses. YALL are the ones making this crisis harder. Y’all are the ones that give this country a poor image. You’re the reason with other countries laugh at us behind our backs. Greatest nation in world? How could that be with such disgusting people like y’all. Y’all are the ones Gov. Northam is giving up on convincing because who wants to waste their time helping such self-destructive individuals. So please, do go out. Get in contact with as many of y’all that you can. Donate your protective gear to medical centers where people with sense can use. Meanwhile, us other people with common sense and a normal concept of realism will continue protecting ourselves from y’all and other ignorant people. I bet at least one of y’all are named Karen, too
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This is all false amd fake you can go no Google and look up recent announcements and hit videos
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