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Chicken Bones on Sidewalks Expected To Increase 400% Following Ukrop’s Market Hall Opening

RICHMOND, Va. — Virginia Commonwealth University’s School of Fried Chicken (VCUSFC) issued a recent warning to exercise caution when walking around the city, as their culinary researchers anticipate a 400% increase in discarded chicken bones on sidewalks.

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“Due to the opening of the highly anticipated Ukrop’s Market Hall, we’re almost certain to see a substantial rise in trashed chicken bones left throughout the city,” Mariela Santos, a senior researcher at VCUSFC, said in a statement.

“We’re not just talking about thighs, drumsticks, or wings…we’re expecting to see more half-eaten potato wedges and White House Roll crumbs littered on sidewalks too. Everything except mac and cheese. Oddly enough, that never gets discarded.”

Located in a newly renovated wing of the student commons referred to as the Chicken Wing, the School of Fried Chicken is looking forward to the wealth of data the Market Hall will provide. Santos also noted that her team is pleading with Mayor Levar Stoney to issue a statement warning locals of Northern Virginia tourists who may make the trip to Richmond to get their hands on the grocer’s famous breakfast pizza.

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