RICHMOND, Va. — “The Stimulus Packages are coming,” popular adult club Paper Moon announced today, revealing that their new well-endowed all-male revue, made up of a dozen or so oiled-up young stallions, will be performing this weekend.
Janet Forest, communications director for the club, said they came up with the idea for the Stimulus Packages after reading an article about rising unemployment in the Richmond area.
More than 250 men from ages 18 to 73 auditioned to join the all-male revue and were evaluated on appearance, charisma, and the ability to flap their plonker in time with a metronome. Paper Moon selected 24 to work on a rotating schedule, with 16 as regulars and the remaining men as backups.
“We heard that COVID-19 can cause impotence so we thought it was a good idea to have a deep bench for this,” Forest said.
“I got down here as soon as I heard,” Lloyd Crosby, an auto mechanic from Hanover, said while standing outside of the club, claiming that he was hoping for Congress to pass another COVID-19 relief package, but wasn’t expecting it. “I was laid off back in September and my family sure could use a stimulus package to buy food. But since the government is useless, I guess I’m smearing myself in Crisco and bouncing my disco stick to Lil’ Jon and the Eastside Boys instead.”
While the attraction is expected to be very popular with residents throughout the metropolitan area with folks already eager to see the packages, Paper Moon did acknowledge that the event has caused some confusion.
“We’ve had a lot of folks call to ask how they can pick up their check, or ask about extended unemployment benefits” Forest said, “But the only money being given out here will be folded between your teeth for Duncan to snatch with their clenched butt cheeks and the bills you’ll be sliding into Emilio’s brightly-colored thongs.”
Promotional postings online for the event promise an evening you will never forget full of drinks, dancing, and ding-dongs.
“They may not be able to inject cash into your wallet to help pay your rent or food for your family, but they can flex their pecs to the tune of ‘Money, Money’ by Billy Idol,” noted Forest.