RICHMOND, Va. — In an address delivered via Facebook Live, Virginia Sen. Amanda Chase, R-11, announced her intent to avenge the death of her sister, Gingema, who was crushed by a farmhouse that fell from the sky Sunday afternoon.
RELATED (article related below):
- Amanda Chase Volunteers To Hunt Appalachian Backwoods for Any Missing PA Ballots
- Amanda Chase Casts Vote by Shooting Trump’s Name on Ballot With AR-15
- Amanda Chase Gubernatorial Campaign Announcement Interrupted by Thousands of Dead Birds Falling From Sky
“Now hear this,” Chase said to more than a dozen followers who tuned in to her broadcast. “I know who did this, and I will stop at nothing until I have my revenge!”
Authorities are currently at a loss as to how a six-bedroom farmhouse was carried aloft more than 1,100 miles from its origin in Kansas to Richmond. The sole occupant of the house, Dorothy Gale, is currently being treated at Henrico Doctors’ Hospital for a possible concussion and has no recollection of the incident. Commenters on the senator’s Facebook feed, however, offered their own theories.
“It was ANTIFA!” Deborah Palsey of Midlothian wrote. “The violent left is trying to SILENCE us by dropping there [sic] houses on us! RISE UP PATROTS! [sic]”
Chase, whose sister’s abrupt death was heralded by local townspeople with much dancing and good cheer, vowed that the dweller of the transient house would be dealt with in good time.
“Once my security is beefed up and I’m locked and loaded, you can rest assured that I’ll get you, my pretty!”
Chase’s office noted that the senator has since doubled her personal winged monkey security detail and has temporarily suspended all outdoor public appearances.