RPD Nominates Canister of Tear Gas For Citizen Review Board

RICHMOND, Va. — Explaining that his credentials were certified and appropriate, the Richmond Police Department (RPD) has nominated Pepper Mason, an unused tear gas canister, for the forthcoming citizen review board, the department announced Tuesday. 

“Mason’s duties within the department have provided him with firsthand experience on situations involving controversial police behaviors, so we think he’s the right chemical agent for the job,” RPD Captain Skylor Burns said in a statement, adding that Mason was considered over other dangerous options that were deemed weapons of war by experts, such as Levar Gassy and Weepy Wally. 

“Mason’s had a very decorated history with the force dating back to his purchase date from a nationwide supplier of chemical weaponry in 2015. He’s been a proud and loyal servant of the community for years, and we’re sure he’s going to bring an eye-opening perspective to the table.”

Burns concluded his statement by mentioning that if Mason’s nomination is rejected by the city council, they would likely pursue an alternate route by considering baton Billy “Smash” Barrows for the board.