NRA Forced to 3-D Print Cash

FAIRFAX, Va. — In a desperate move to regain financial stability, NRA spokesperson Dana Loesch announced Monday that the NRA would begin 3-D printing its own money.

In a January 15th bankruptcy court filing, the organization stated that it was losing millions of dollars and that it may soon cease to exist. However, citing the recent ruling by the Department of Justice allowing for the 3-D printing of guns, Loesch sees 3-D printed money as the way to regain financial solvency.

RELATED (article continued below):

• Band Performing in D.C. Forgets to Prepare Uninformed Political Statement Before Concert
• Shyndigz Decides to Make Cakes 10 Times Gayer in Light of SCOTUS Decision
• GOP Promises Record Number of Thoughts and Prayers to Combat Gun Violence

The currency, known as NRA Bucks, will come in convenient Browning 9, Colt 38, and Winchester 73 denominations.

“3-D printing our own money will allow the NRA to function well into the future without the interference of big government,” Loesch said. “Of course, our team of lobbyists is also working tirelessly to ensure politicians will be able to accept NRA Bucks as campaign contributions. Otherwise, what’s the point?”

While, at the time of this publication, the Federal Reserve has not made a statement on the legality of NRA Bucks, Loesch also announced plans for a range of 3-D printed wallets. “This will allow for NRA Bucks holders to carry them around in a safe and concealed manner.”  

Have you been to our online store? What are you waiting for then?