WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Joseph R. Biden, Jr., who earlier today was sworn in as the 46th President of the United States, shocked Americans by forgoing a Bible and instead affirming his oath of office on a DVD box set of the hit television series M*A*S*H.
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Immediately dubbed “Biblegate” by pundits and the Twitterverse, the misstep overshadowed musical performances by Lady Gaga, Jennifer Lopez, and Garth Brooks for some reason, cementing itself in the history books as the first official scandal of the Biden administration.
“Well, at least we got that one out of the way, right?” Ron Klain, the incoming White House Chief of Staff nervously told reporters following the ceremony. “Surely, the next four years will be gaffe-free!”
According to sources inside the White House, President Biden was initially confused and then angered by the public backlash, dropping several “malarkey bombs” in front of staff and repeatedly assuring them that “it was the Alan Alda one, not that Donald Sutherland crap.”
In a statement released shortly afterwards, President Biden sought to explain why he avoided the traditional route of using a family Bible, or the Lincoln Bible as President Obama did.
“Believe it or not, folks, I know a lot of you think I’m out of touch, so I wanted to show that I can ‘get with the times,’” Biden explained.
The statement went on to add that Biden also considered swearing his oath on a Mickey Mantle rookie card, the owner’s manual for a vintage 1966 Chevrolet Corvette, and Betty White’s left breast. However, all were deemed either too impractical or too expensive.
While the controversial decision will likely be forgotten after the next scandal, insiders are reporting that the nickname “Hot Lips Harris” has already taken hold in the west wing and is unlikely to go away for the next four years.