Virginia Totally Shocked To Find Racism in Military Institution Where Stonewall Jackson Taught

LEXINGTON, Va. — Virginians are in disbelief after learning that Virginia Military Institute (VMI), the school where prominent Confederate General Thomas “Stonewall” Jackson taught for a decade prior to the Civil War, has been a den of racism over the years, officials confirmed Saturday.

According to a Washington Post report involving current and former students, VMI—a school with 1,865 alumni who fought in the Civil War, 1,846 on the side of the Confederacy and 19 on the side of the Union—actually breeds racism, which has come as a surprise to many citizens across the commonwealth.

Molly Murr, a nearby Lexington resident was blindsided by the news. “I knew VMI was sexist given that it took a Supreme Court case from them to finally admit a woman in 1996,” Murr explained. “But who could have thought that sexism and racism sometimes go hand in hand? This is a total shocker.”

Following the report’s release, many of the school’s alumni spoke out in disagreement with the findings, citing oodly sporadic moments from their yearbooks as evidence that the school’s racist past has long been eliminated.