Op-Ed: Our Founding Fathers Didn’t Wear Masks During The Starving Time, So Why Should I Wear One Now?

We’re over a year into this damn pandemic, and all I ever hear about are “masks, mask this, mask that, mask up, mask down,” and I think it’s time we had a reflection on this near cult-like obsession with health. 

Liberals love talking about the importance of wearing masks, but all I hear is a bunch of socialist propaganda that completely ignores how badass our forefathers were. I’m a firm believer that we need to be looking back at our history and how we dealt with past health crises when figuring out how to handle similar situations. 

After all, our founding fathers lived through the winter of 1609 without completely dying off, and none of them wore masks, so why should we start now? More than 25% of our early settlers made it through the “Starving Time,” and they didn’t need any masks to help them out. 

They had it way worse than we did, too: famine, dysentery, and routine conflicts with the Powhatan Indian warriors. Sure, they had to butcher horses and were forced to eat shoe leather and turds, but that just goes to show you how strong our immune systems are, and I think we’re ignoring that fact in modern times. 

They didn’t even have ginger ale to help fight against Typhoid fever! And even if they did, it probably wasn’t Canada Dry. 

Our early settlers had REAL leadership under the firm and fearless John Smith, and he didn’t make anyone wear masks because he knew that would violate their forthcoming rights from a document that wouldn’t be written for another 150 years. That’s how much of a visionary Smith was. 

Plus, he became BFFs with Pocahontas, which was extraordinarily progressive for the time. Meanwhile, our guy Northam did the whole blackface thing in college, so you tell me who had a more distinguished life in their 20s. In fact, let’s just elect the corpse of John Smith in the gubernatorial election later this year. He’ll also fight for liberty and for the Second Amendment (though not to the degree that Amanda Chase will, to be fair). Or, hell, let’s bring Gov. Abbott on board, he knows what’s up by ditching these masks in Texas.

Point is, John Smith didn’t make his people wear masks, and they went on to build the nation we are today. If they can do it and only kill off roughly 75% of the people, then so can we.