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“We Don’t Know What’s in Those Vaccines,” Says Skeptic Who Snorted Coke From Stranger in Bathroom of The National

RICHMOND, Va. — Arguing that the COVID-19 vaccines were developed too quickly, West End resident and dedicated Umphrey’s McGee fan Kyle Taylor, who regularly did multiple types of drugs given to him by strangers while intoxicated during shows at The National, expressed concerns over the nature of what’s in the vaccines, sources confirmed Friday.

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“I’m just saying that those vaccines were rushed, and we should be a little cautious,” Taylor said in an interview, stressing that we should take into consideration the possible long-term effects of putting unknown chemicals and substances into our body. 

“You’ve got to wonder just what those scientists may have been told to put into these drugs, especially when the government is funding the bill,” Taylor, who routinely purchased coke processed with kerosene and sulfuric acid from a white guy with dreads known locally as Stew, continued. “I think it’s okay to ask questions, and maybe wait a while to see what the long-term effects are before we all just rush into something that could have all sorts of wild side effects.”

At the time of publishing, sources confirmed that Taylor was seen texting his friend about scoring molly from his friend’s brother’s coworker’s connection who sells his stash out of a TGI Friday’s bathroom.

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