WILLIAMSBURG, Va. — A long-anticipated school trip to Europe was the latest victim of the COVID-19 pandemic, as a group of seniors from Chantilly High School were forced to instead visit the Germany section of Busch Gardens in Williamsburg, sources confirmed Monday.
Twenty-three members of the German Club at Chantilly High School had planned a 12-day tour of Germany as a celebration of their impending graduation and having parents rich enough to send them on a fortnight through western Europe. Unfortunately, the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic made conditions unsafe for intercontinental travel.
“It sucks,” Spencer Givens, a senior in the club, said in an interview. “We were going to see the Berlin Wall, a castle, and I was going to get legally wasted. Now we’re basically going to a PG-13 Oktoberfest.”
“I was also hoping to go all the way with Jessica Peterson in Berlin,” Givens continued. “Instead I have to settle for second base on Alpengeist.”
The students had originally planned to tour the Brandenburg Gate, the Cologne Cathedral, and the Burger King that now sits over Hitler’s bunker. However, personnel at Busch Gardens have promised that this trip will have equal historical value.
“As the virus continues to rage through Europe alongside tight pants, man purses, and body odor, we’ve expanded the international sections of the park to include exciting historical landmarks,” Dorothy Henderson, Director of Public Relations at Busch Gardens, explained.
“Germany is especially interesting since we’ve included numerous castles, a new roller coaster called ‘LEBENSRAUM,’ and live concerts from our in-house Kraftwerk cover band ‘Craft Work.’ Plus, every night at midnight, we burn down a replica Reichstag and blame it on Kings Dominion employees.”
The Chantilly High German Club will spend two days and two nights at the Country Inn and Suites with a visit to Busch Gardens each day. Chip Meyer, the school’s German teacher, said he was aiming to make the trip feel authentic by only allowing students to converse in German. Meyer said he also plans to show the group “Eurotrip” on DVD during the three-hour bus ride to help the experience feel more real.
“I know how much the kids were looking forward to this,” Meyer lamented. “Unfortunately we just could not take the risk. I’m hoping we can still have fun in the park. Frankly, we were just going to visit a bunch of touristy spots in Germany, so this is basically the same thing. Besides, I’m sure one of these rich little shits will get an Audi from their parents as a consolation prize.”