Cicada Surpasses Arlington Tech Consultant as Virginia’s Most Disliked Insect

ARLINGTON, Va. — According to a new poll of Northern Virginia residents, the cicada has overtaken the Arlington tech consultant as the commonwealth’s most disliked, disgusted, and avoided insect.

The cicadas of Brood X, which emerge every seventeen years, have swarmed the state this summer, annoying many even more so than the year-round consultant population, whose primary habitat are cocktail bars in gentrified neighborhoods surrounding Northern Virginia and Washington, D.C.

“While I despise few things more than a consultant bro in a button up and Patagonia vest,” Lauren Friend, an Arlington bartender who participated in the poll, explained, “cicadas are the more bothersome of the two insects. They are everywhere and I cannot get away from them, no matter where I go.”

“Also, I constantly have to listen to their droning,” Friend continued. “While consultants certainly drone on and on about their firm’s clients and their six-figure paychecks, the actual constant droning and humming of the cicadas is just worse.”

“Even though the cicadas don’t routinely explain to me how their start-up will revolutionize the way we bake bread, they still take the cake,” Friend added.

While the debate on whether the constant buzzing of the cicada is more annoying than the consultant’s never-ending “so what do you do?” diatribe, experts say there is scientific evidence that proves each insect is indeed annoying. Cicada mating calls can reach upwards of one hundred decibels, while the drunken consultant can reach around eighty decibels.  

“It’s important to look at the function of each insect’s vocal functions, ” entomologist Kevin Pittman notes, explaining that both insects’ loathsome noises can help us differentiate from other species.” 

“These two insects can be very loud while looking for a mate and their biggest similarity is that they force everyone around them to listen to them, even though most people don’t want to. That’s what makes them annoying — it’s definitely what puts them in the running for the most disliked insect.”

According to the poll’s results, the third-place winner was the species Kaighlynna Vespa, which includes white suburban women who post about their multi-level marketing schemes on social media.