Area Prison Guard Worried He’ll Have To Do More Work Following Marijuana Legalization

AMHERST, Va. — Following the legalization of marijuana which became official as of July 1st, 2021, Greg Paxton, a guard at the Amherst County Adult Detention Center said he is concerned over the increased workload he may soon face, sources confirmed Thursday.

“I’ve been dreading this day ever since Northam said he was going to make smoking weed legal,” Paxton said in an interview, complaining that duties ranging from outdoor labor to keeping facilities clean was not what he had signed up for five years ago, and that he would refuse to work for an inmate-level salary. 

“Legalizing reefer means less bodies coming into the prisons, which unfortunately means more work for me. Some of these prisoners are great at what they do, and it’s going to hit us right where it hurts if we don’t keep bringing ‘em in. Hell, I’ve heard rumors that some of us may be forced to do outdoor landscaping and detailing for the rest of the summer. That’s just not right — not in this summer humidity, I’ll tell you what.”

Paxton went on to note that should the government do something as heinous as, say, overturn prior marijuana convictions and release inmates currently locked up for marijuana-related crimes, the prison he currently works for may go out of business.