Richmond Kickers Report Social Distancing Still No Problem at Games

RICHMOND, Va. — Noting that City Stadium has continued to operate at about 20% capacity throughout the entire COVID-19 pandemic, Richmond Kickers home games are still very social distancing-friendly, the soccer club announced Sunday.

“Honestly, we’ve been pretty good at the whole social distancing thing since we started out in 1993,” John Weisman, a spokesperson for the team, said in a statement, adding that it was likely the lackluster-attended games in the team’s history had likely prevented pandemics in the past. 

“Given the fact that City Stadium can seat thousands and we only have, on average, about 60 people in the stands for a game, there’s no doubt we’ve unintentionally implemented life-saving safety measures. Everyone basically has an entire row to themselves — and that’s without even opening half of the stadium. With cases increasing with the threat of new variants, it’s important that we continue to maintain COVID-19 safety protocols by hosting matches that attract the less-than-100 Richmond Kickers fans in the city.”

Weisman added that City Stadium has looked into ways to increase attendance at games and has tried ever from bring your dog night to free beer, but acknowledged that regular subpar attendance levels made for a healthy occasion.

“I know I’ll sound like an asshole for saying this, but I wouldn’t be totally upset if our game caused a Covid outbreak,” Weisman said. “At least it would mean we had more than 14 people in the stands.”