Staunton Man Claims It’s His Constitutional Right to Contract COVID-19

STAUNTON, Va. — Confident in his knowledge of the Constitution of the United States of America after a quick skim, Rodney Walton of Staunton man has filed suit against the Commonwealth of Virginia claiming it’s his constitutional right to contract COVID-19, sources confirmed Friday.

Walton filed suit in the U.S. Fourth Circuit Court against the Commonwealth claiming it violated his Ninth Amendment rights by implementing public health measures that made it harder for him to contract the virus. 

“I’ve gone to restaurants, hung around the hospital, hell, I even paid a woman to spit in my mouth, and I haven’t gotten so much as a cold,” Walton explained in a statement. “I’d really like to just catch this thing so that I’ll have natural immunity, and I’m not about to let the communist socialist liberals make me take their poison pill.”  

According to documents from the court, Walton believes his best chance at beating COVID-19 is to contract a mild case of the virus thereby inoculating himself against a more serious case of the virus in the future instead of the widely available vaccine. He believes the implementation of mask mandates, social distancing have made it harder for him to accomplish his goal, and is asking the court to remove all public health restrictions and to provide him with the proper resources he needs to catch a mild case of COVID-19.

Walton, who is fervently against taking the vaccine, said he has tried for months to catch the virus but has been unable to get sick.   

The Ninth Amendment is very clear,” Walton continued. “It says ‘The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.’ It doesn’t say that I can’t get COVID, so, therefore, it’s my god-given right to get sick if I feel like it.”

Walton says he is currently running a GoFundMe campaign to cover the cost of his legal fees and a plane ticket to Texas, should he lose his case.

“If this doesn’t workout, all I need is 15 minutes in the Lone Star State and I’ll be home free,” Walton said.