News Peed

Report: Youngkin Promise To Eliminate the Grocery Tax Just a Ploy to Hoard All of State’s Rainbow Cookies for Himself

RICHMOND, Va. — The campaign for Republican gubernatorial candidate Glenn Youngkin is under fire following allegations regarding his proposal to eliminate the grocery tax, which, according to some sources, is merely a ploy to begin hoarding all of the state’s rainbow cookies for himself.

Youngkin’s proposed removal of the grocery tax would save approximately 10 cents per box of cookies. Given the volume of cookies he allegedly intends to purchase, this translates into several hundred thousand dollars in savings for Youngkin.

“Make no mistake, Youngkin is less interested in slashing the 2.5% tax on grocery items but more interested in growing what is already a massive collection of Ukrop’s iconic rainbow cookies,” a former staffer for Youngkin told reporters, under condition of anonymity, adding that the candidate has had a life-long obsession with the popular cookie since childhood. 

“That’s what this whole thing is all about — he could care less about your taxes or ensuring that citizens of the commonwealth work for an adequate minimum wage. He’s a modern-day Scrooge McDuck, hell bent on swimming in a vault of kaleidoscopic confectionery treasures.”

When reached for comment, an official from the Youngkin campaign said that the candidate avoids sweets in general to remain trim enough to fit in his trademark fleece vest. The official added that Youngkin is especially not a fan of rainbow cookies, but definitely had a thing for White House Rolls.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: