Polling Shows Healthcare, Ending Goddamn Campaign Commercials Top Issues in Tuesday’s Election

RICHMOND, Va. — A new poll of voters across the commonwealth revealed that the top issues people are focusing on in Tuesday’s midterm elections are healthcare and putting an end to the goddamn campaign commercials.

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“According to the results, citizens are focusing on candidates that will help bring affordable healthcare measures to the populace, and candidates that will help stop the atrocious amount of repetitive campaign ads they’ve had to endure leading up to today,” William Saunderson, a representative from University of Richmond who helped commission the study, explained in a statement, adding that metrics showed Virginians would pull, on average, 6% of their hair out upon hearing a campaign ad in any kind of media.

“A lot of voters have likely already decided on who they were going to vote for, which made every single ad fall on deaf ears. It’s obvious that healthcare is going to be an important topic, but voters are also completely done with campaign ads that they’ve had to suffer through all year, and we’re going to see that manifest itself at the polls on Tuesday.”

The same study also found that in addition to proper healthcare and killing off the campaign ads that have plagued everyone’s YouTube experience, other topics that voters showed a concern towards include environmental policy, where an overwhelming number of voters are weary of recycling the same five campaign fliers everyday after collecting their mail.

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