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“Ready to Vote Today, Cowboy?” Reads Monday Morning Text Sent From Drunk Terry McAuliffe to Glenn Youngkin

RICHMOND, Va. As both an act of challenge and a friendly reminder, Democratic gubernatorial Terry McAuliffe texted his Republican opponent Glenn Youngkin while heavily intoxicated asking if he was ready to vote today, sources confirmed Tuesday.

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The text, sent at approximately 7:30 this morning, was believed to have been sent after McAuliffe had pulled yet another all-nighter consuming beer from craft breweries from all over the state. 

“Whas up, cowboy, ready to vote today??” read the semi-incoherent text from the shitfaced McAuliffe, sent the morning of the actual election. “Today’s the big day, ass-chump, so I hope you’ree ready to duke it out in full fuckin force at the polls. I’ll bet you can’t even take Chesterfield as red today.”

Sources close to McAuliffe revealed that after sending the text, the hammered former governor then texted one of his aides to retrieve an electric scooter so he could zip down to the ABC store, despite the aide’s protest that the store wouldn’t be open for at least another hour. 

According to sources, Youngkin responded to the aide’s texts, as well as all subsequent messages, with, “New phone, who dis?”

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