Report: 99% Of Vaccinated Virginians Still Don’t Want To See Their Relatives for the Holidays

ALEXANDRIA, Va. — Despite numerous families making up for last year’s inability to safely gather for the holidays, a new poll has revealed that 99% of fully vaccinated Virginians still don’t want to see their relatives for the holidays. 

“We polled hundreds of families across the commonwealth— from Big Stone Gap to Kilmarnock— and our findings were pretty unanimous in that most families just want to stay the hell away from each other this holiday season,” Douglas Byrd, a spokesperson for the Department of Virginia Family Feuding, said in a statement, noting that the pandemic surprisingly didn’t play a huge role in the results. 

“When we asked participants to list the reasons behind their decision, astonishingly few cited vaccination status or the new omicron variant of COVID-19 as factors for not wanting to see their relatives. It turns out most Virginia families just really want to go solo for the holidays, regardless of the ongoing public health crisis.”

According to Byrd, most families listed traveling distances, political differences, or a relative’s disgusting cooking as reasons for not wanting to spend the holidays together.

“Many of those surveyed said they’d rather spend Christmas alone in a completely empty room than put up with their sister-in-law’s pathetic excuse for a casserole,” Byrd added.

Byrd ended his statement by noting that the 1% that said they did still want to see families were your relatives, who are unvaccinated and already on their way to your house for Christmas.