COVID-19 Appointed as New Assistant Head Coach for Men’s Basketball Team

RICHMOND, Va. — Following the school’s reversal of the COVID-19 vaccine mandate, the respiratory virus has been appointed as the new Assistant Head Coach for the VCU Men’s Basketball team, the university confirmed Thursday.

“When Gov. Youngkin removed the mandate that prevented me from getting hired, I saw it as a huge opportunity that I couldn’t pass up,” the virus stated at a press conference held at the Siegel Center, adding that its recent experience coaching predominately unvaccinated citizens across the country has provided valuable experience that can help the team for the remainder of the season.

“I’d like to thank VCU for this opportunity, and I can’t wait to start working with Rhoades, [Vince] Williams, the rest of the team, and the entirety of the university’s athletic department. I’m really looking forward to what I can bring not only to the team, but to the community as well.”

The virus went on to note that it was optimistic that, provided more politicians follow Youngkin’s lead, it could help carry VCU into the NCAA Tournament without having to forfeit games, unlike the 2021 season.