After Learning Satire Is Constitutionally Protected As Free Speech, Musk Calls For Twitter Ban Of Free Speech

BOCA CHICA, Tx. — In the wake of a Twitter feud between satirical website Hard Drive, Tesla CEO Elon Musk has called for Twitter to ban all free speech after learning satire is protected as such by the First Amendment, sources confirmed Wednesday.

“Protecting our sacred right to free speech may come with sacrifice, no doubt about it,” Musk tweeted Wednesday, calling the Supreme Court’s unanimous ruling of Hustler v. Falwell an obvious example of liberal bias in social media, despite the case taking place in 1988. 

“The ruthless attacks of satire have proven to be the left’s most successful way of spreading fake news to the masses, and if the U.S. Constitution protects it, then it’s up to the people to take action to prevent any and all means of free speech from getting out. I hereby call on big tech to ban all free speech across the board to stomp out the danger of satire once and for all. Once I acquire Twitter, I vow to not let the liberal media’s campaign of bias and censorship continue further.”

Musk went on to call on Twitter to also specifically ban any accounts related to James Madison, George Mason, and any founding father that was instrumental in the creation of the Bill of Rights.