“Nobody Wants To Work Anymore,” Reports Hopewell Tourism Council

HOPEWELL, Va. — Dismayed at their lack of applicants for their new office position, the Hopewell Tourism Council says nobody wants to work anymore, the organization reported Wednesday.

“Ever since we saw our weekly average customer count double from two to four, we’ve been struggling to hire someone who could take on the new workload,” Patti Sommers, the director of the Hopewell Tourism Council, explained in an interview, adding that she was surprised nobody had sent in applications for their $11.50/hour position with responsibilities included marketing, advertising, bookkeeping, administrative communication, core branding, housekeeping, and creating the weekly newsletter.

“We’re pretty shocked we haven’t gotten any hits yet, despite posting flyers on all of the streets and warehouses throughout the city. This isn’t like the good ol’ days, when people were willing to work for a living. There’s got to be people out there that are passionate about boosting Hopewell’s image to the goal of making the city become the next Berlin. We don’t offer benefits, but we do allow you to work from home on your lunch break.”

“We’ve got big plans to really put Hopewell in the spotlight,” Sommers continued. “From the inviting fragrance to however many of those Aladdin Kit Homes we still have standing, this town is ready for tourism, and if you’re passionate about that, then we want to hear from you.”

Sommers went on to mention that they were also considering offering free lunch from Waves Sandwich Company once a month to help incentivize potential applicants.