In Competitive Move Against Musk, The Peedmont Acquire LimeWire

RICHMOND, Va. — Following Elon Musk’s recent purchase of Twitter, The Peedmont has successfully acquired famed peer-to-peer file sharing program LimeWire, sources confirmed Monday.

“We’re excited to acquire what was one of the most popular file sharing services for like a year in 2004, or whenever it was,” Harry Byrd, CFO for The Peedmont, said in a statement, adding that the editorial company had big plans for the platform.

“We see a lot of opportunities with LimeWire. For starters, we didn’t even find it in the App store when we looked, so they’re probably already struggling to keep bringing in new users. To be honest, we don’t even know where one can download LimeWire, and if no one can find it, then there’s a big marketing problem that needs to be addressed. We also want to integrate LimeWire into a Virginia-centralized platform — want to download an audio recording of a brewery’s menu, or maybe an audio snippet of Youngkin’s most recent bigoted tweet? Our LimeWire will be the place for all of that.”

“Musk wants to make Twitter a multi-use platform,” Byrd continued, “and once we figure out how to deal with the multiple viruses you’ll end up with when you download a single song from Taylor Swift’s new album, we’re going to do the same to LimeWire.”

Byrd went on to note that if all goes with the LimeWire acquisition, The Peedmont was open to partnering with other popular file sharing companies such as Napster and Kazaa.