MIDLOTHIAN, Va. — In the early hours of election day, poll workers were startled when Sen. Amanda Chase, R-11, insisted on using her semi-automatic assault rifle to exercise her right to vote.
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“I ain’t using one of those electronic mumbo jumbo machines that George Soros paid for you all to rig,” Chase told representatives from the State Board of Elections. “I’m voting the only way that counts, with hot lead. And if you have a problem with that, you can speak directly with my attorney — me!”
After procuring a paper ballot and screaming at volunteers to not violate her Second Amendment rights, Chase proceeded to fire round after round into the sheet until the word “MYLES” could be clearly read from across the room.
“We thought about calling the police,” polling volunteer Terry McCutchin said in an interview, “but in my experience, when a child is having a tantrum, it’s best to just let them burn themselves out.”
“Those socialist DemoRATS can try to steal this election from my cold dead hands!” Chase proudly screamed at frightened onlookers as she exited the building. She was last seen slapping her “I Voted” on her briefcase, next to her NRA and Confederate flag stickers.