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“Who’s Running in This Bitch Again?” Asks Shitfaced Terry McAuliffe in Voting Line on Election Day

RICHMOND, Va. — Reeking of various craft beers, a heavily intoxicated former Gov. Terry McAuliffe loudly yelled for someone to tell him who was running in the election, sources confirmed Tuesday.

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According to accounts, the former governor arrived at his polling location at 8:15 a.m., after pregaming earlier in the morning for approximately two hours.

“Who’s running in this bitch again?” McAuliffe drunkenly yelled through the line. “Aw, we’ve got Wittman on this shit this time? You mean we finally get to vote out the looney sack of donkey manure and expired Diet Coke? Let’s rock this!”

“Who is that punk running against again?” he added, with a heavy sour. “He’s not trying to take my future spot on CNN, is he?”

McAuliffe continued to heckle Republican voters until he reached the check-in table. When asked to show identification, McAuliffe reportedly screamed at an election volunteer that he would not have his vote cockblocked before offering an immediate slurred apology and producing his driver’s license from his sock.

After voting, McAuliffe hollered for an “I Voted” sticker before stumbling out of the building and projectile vomiting on a Chevrolet Impala in the parking lot.

If you’re waiting in line to vote, why not check out our online store in the meantime?

5 Trackbacks / Pingbacks

  1. McAuliffe Finally Returns Home From NYE Party at Executive Mansion – The Peedmont
  2. Abortion Controversy Only Second Worse Thing to Happen to White Male Governor This Week – The Peedmont
  3. State Capitol Janitor Frank Surprised to Find He’s Virginia’s New Governor – The Peedmont
  4. McAuliffe Plays Edward Fortyhands While Announcing Exploratory Committee to One-Up Elizabeth Warren – The Peedmont
  5. Terry McAuliffe Challenges Entire CNN Newsroom to Game of Flip Cup After Chris Cuomo Interview – The Peedmont

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