Levar Stoney Frantically Searches City Hall Closet for Extension Cord for RVA Illuminates

RICHMOND, Va. — Racing against time, Mayor Levar Stoney was seen desperately searching a storage closet in city hall for an extension cord needed for RVA Illuminates, city officials confirmed Friday.

“Oh, no. No. No. No,” Stoney told reporters, flipping through boxes and clearing shelves while visibly sweating underneath his suit. “We’re supposed to light the city up in a couple of hours, and now Dominion says we’re about four feet short at the James Center.”

“I could’ve sworn we had a few extras in storage somewhere,” Stoney continued while rummaging through the closet full of office supplies, old building permits, and multiple parking tickets issued to former governor Terry McAuliffe that were waived earlier this year. “I was hoping this crate at the bottom might be the one, but all that’s in here are Pulse construction blueprints. We really need to get someone to clean this mess up.”

Stoney was last seen dabbing at his forehead while nervously calling Gov. Ralph Northam, asking if he had any spare extension cords sitting around at the Executive Mansion.

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