RICHMOND, Va. — Following their reservation being cancelled by Metzger Bar and Butchery citing concern for their employees, Conservative Christian group Family Foundation was forced to dine on their own salty tears, sources confirmed yesterday.
“The Family Foundation found itself in quite a pickle,” an anonymous source close to the group, which is known for their anti-abortion and anti-same-sex marriage views, told officials.
“They had to find a restaurant at the last minute to host their dinner party, and everywhere — even Golden Corral — didn’t have availability. As a result, they decided to get together at one of their members’ houses and just dine on their own tears. As per usual they didn’t have any seasoning for the tears, so they decided to just pray extra hard before they dined. They apparently cried so much that some of the group members went home with leftovers.”
At the time of reporting, the entire city of Richmond was seen not giving a single fuck about their woes.