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VCU Makes Bid to Recruit Lionel Messi to Men’s Basketball Team

RICHMOND, Va. — Following his acclaimed performance in the 2022 FIFA World Cup which saw him lead Argentina to victory, Virginia Commonwealth University (VCU) is making moves to bring Argentinian soccer star Lionel Messi to the men’s basketball team, sources confirmed Monday.

“After watching him run circles around France, Croatia, and nearly every other team he faced, we just knew we had to have him on our squad,” Doug Fellows, a spokesperson for the university said in a press release, adding that while Messi may be 35-years-old, head coach Mike Rhoades feels he still has a lot of potential.

“He may be a little older, and it may take him a while to adapt from using his feet to using his hands, but if Rhoades can break him in before the next season, the NCAA championship will be as good as ours. He’ll sink free throws as if they’re penalty kicks. If Michael Jordan can switch sports and not be totally terrible at it, then imagine the potential in bringing Messi to Richmond.”

Fellows added that the university was willing to pay Messi upwards of $140 million in transfer fees, a full scholarship in whatever degree he desired, and a $25 gift card to Village Cafe if he was willing to sign on by the start of 2023.

“We’ll even give him discounted parking — we don’t even give the professors that,” Fellows added.

At the time of reporting, VCU was seen bulldozing a building intended for affordable housing TT to preliminarily make room for Messi’s penthouse accommodations.

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