Quaint, Picturesque Shenandoah Valley Town Probably Racist
WESTON, Va. — As evidenced by the blend of Gadsden and MAGA flags, sources across the Commonwealth have confirmed that the picturesque Shenandoah valley town of Weston is likely racist. The town, which is nestled in the beautiful foothills of the Appalachian Mountains, has a cute Main Street that reportedly stands for the flag and kneels for the cross, and has some direct opinions on Critical Race Theory being taught in public schools.
Officials also confirmed that while the town attracts a modest amount of tourism during the autumn foliage season, the majority of its population supports a wall across the southern border and believes that any gun control law is a Communist breach of American freedom.
When asked for comment, the town vehemently disagreed with the characterization that it is racist, adding that because it has a Chinese restaurant and a single black resident it cannot possibly be racist.
At the time of reporting, the beautiful town, which has unknowingly ended up in hundreds of Instagram photos taken from Skyline Drive, had boasted that “nobody wants to work anymore,” and that Richmond has gone to shit ever since Confederate monuments were taken down.
How can a town’s Main Street “stand for the flag and kneel for the cross?” It’s a street, not an animate object.