News Peed

Virginia Tea Party Dumps Cases of Bud Light Into Chesapeake Bay in Protest

REEDVILLE, Va. — Dressed in shirts with American colors while donning bulletproof vests, the Virginia Tea Party has spent the afternoon dumping cases of Bud Light into the Chesapeake Bay in protest of the brewing company’s relationship with a transgender influencer, sources confirmed Sunday.

“Hand me another one, Danny, in the name of freedom!” Christopher Burgess exclaimed, a Mechanicsville citizen and Tea Party member, waving over for another 12-pack of beer from his associate Daniel “Freedom Fighter” Sterling before throwing it overboard from the militia’s boat that was rented from nearby business Ronald’s RV and Marina.  

“If Budweiser wants to go woke, then we’re going to teach them the price they’ll have to pay to the real patriots of this country. We can’t let the socialist leftists take over our true American values that our forefathers fought so hard to enshrine. We’re going to dump every last one of these tainted cans into the almighty bay, environment be damned.”

At press time, the group was reportedly turning on one of its own members who tried to sneak of can of Bud Light for himself during their lunch break by forcing him to walk the plank. 

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