Articles by Archie Boderekson

Crozet Tourism Board Announces 2023 Town Slogan “Shit’s Lit AF, Get Here Fam”

CROZET, Va. — On Thursday, the Crozet Tourism Board unveiled its new town slogan: “Shit’s lit AF, get here fam.” The new slogan is part of a township-wide campaign designed to boost tourism in the small Virginia town. Newly elected mayor [read more ... ]

Chesapeake Bay To Be Drained, Cleaned, Refilled On Thursday

NORFOLK, Va. — Officials with the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration’s (NOAA) Chesapeake Bay Office announced this morning their plans to drain, clean, and refill the Bay this Thursday. RELATED (article continued below): [read more ... ]

Study: Trip to Iceland Causes Lasting Damage to Instagram Feed, Friendships Overall

CHARLOTTESVILLE, Va. — A recent study published by the University of Virginia suggests that trips to Iceland can cause lasting damage to relationships, primarily through incessant Instagram posts and nonstop references in everyday conversations. [read more ... ]

Ravens Ominously Gather At Federal Reserve Building

RICHMOND, Va. – According to multiple eyewitnesses, large flocks of ravens have begun gathering in front of the Federal Reserve Bank in Downtown Richmond. RELATED (article continued below): Band Performing in D.C. Forgets to Prepare Uninformed [read more ... ]

Richmond Bar Becomes Church To Bypass ABC Ratio Law

RICHMOND, Va. – In an effort to circumvent Virginia’s controversial food-to-alcohol ratio laws, a local restaurant has announced plans to become a Catholic church that serves primarily alcohol. Jimmy’s Tavern, a staple in Richmond’s Museum [read more ... ]

Dominion Energy Riverrock Festival to Feature New Coal Ash Obstacle Course

RICHMOND, Va. — Organizers for the tenth annual Dominion Energy Riverrock festival announced today the addition of a new coal ash-themed athletic competition to headline Saturday’s event lineup. The “Ash Bash 5k ObstaCoal Rumble” is expected [read more ... ]

Japanese Scientists Achieve Breakthrough In Asian-Fusion Cuisine

MATSUYAMA, Japan — Scientists at the Fujikori Accelerator Laboratory have announced a major breakthrough in Mexican-Asian fusion in a study published in the National Journal of Delicious Physics this week. The breakthrough occurred when scientists [read more ... ]

Area Man Has Gone On Tinder Date With Everyone Currently At Lamplighter

RICHMOND, Va. — Local man, Tyler Waxstein, realized this afternoon that he’s gone on Tinder dates with every single female currently at the Fan location of Lamplighter Coffee Roasters. RELATED (article continued below): New App Scrubs Tinder [read more ... ]

UN Officially Classifies NOVA Traffic As Crime Against Humanity

NEW YORK — The United Nations (UN) announced this week that traffic in Northern Virginia, known colloquially as NOVA, is now a formally recognized crime against humanity. This move came after the International Criminal Court, based in the Hague, [read more ... ]