Articles by Anderson Tilley

Man Hospitalized for Sodium Overdose, Doctors Cite Salt Life

VIRGINIA BEACH, Va. — At approximately 3 a.m. Saturday Virginia Beach tourist and Fredericksburg native Doug Abernathy was rushed to a local hospital in critical condition. RELATED (article continued below): Castleburg Brewery and Taproom offers [read more ... ]

Alexandria Stoner Proposes Milk and Cookie Bar Idea for Fifth Time Today

ALEXANDRIA, Va. — Living up to his reputation as a man with many plans and absolutely no follow through, area stoner Max Kurtz has shocked exactly no one by coming up with the idea for a milk and cookie bar for the fifth time today. Sources close [read more ... ]

Low Temperatures Temporarily Reduce Stench Of Shockoe Bottom

RICHMOND, Va. – Following a period of unexpectedly cold temperatures, residents of Richmond’s Shockoe Bottom district are celebrating a noticeable reduction in the “Shockoe stank” that normally permeates the neighborhood. “I’m so [read more ... ]

VCU Hipster Determined To Find Hiking Trail You’ve Never Heard Of

RICHMOND, Va. – After a long weekend spent bunkered in the library preparing for upcoming exams, VCU junior Randy Cadinell announced yesterday that he will be heading to Shenandoah National Park next weekend to hike a beautiful trail that no one [read more ... ]

“Did you know that the moonshine in ABC stores is fake?” Says Guy Who Just Fucking Got Here

RICHMOND, Va. — During a recent work happy hour, North Carolina native Steven McComas, who just fucking got here, informed his co-workers that the moonshine sold in ABC stores is actually fake. McComas, who relocated from Raleigh for a job at [read more ... ]

Op-ed: I’m a Monument Avenue Purebred and You Play Cornhole Where I Shit

Hey you. Yeah, you. Just who do you think you are? I may just look like an innocent purebred with perfect lineage I can trace back 14 generations, but I’ve got something to say to you. Every year, as spring slowly transitions into summer, you [read more ... ]

Siegel Center Sues White House Over Name “House of Havoc”

WASHINGTON – Virginia Commonwealth University (VCU) has filed a lawsuit against the Trump administration over use of the branded phrase “House of Havoc” in reference to the White House. VCU created the term “House of Havoc” when Shaka [read more ... ]

Mayor Stoney: “I Did Not Celebrate 4/20, Please Stop Asking”

RICHMOND, Va. — After fielding repeated inquiries from the city’s residents, Richmond Mayor Levar Stoney officially responded in a statement this morning that he did not celebrate 4/20, an unofficial holiday for marijuana smokers. “I’ve been [read more ... ]

Tourist in Shenandoah Determined to Feed Wildlife, Despite All of the Signs

SHENANDOAH NATIONAL PARK, Va. — Citing her bond with nature as ethereal and solidifying, Fredericksburg resident Jessica Thalmier is determined to feed the wildlife in Shenandoah National Park by any means necessary, sources confirmed Tuesday. [read more ... ]