Articles by Anderson Tilley

William and Mary to Begin Accepting “Arm and Leg” as Tuition Payment

WILLIAMSBURG, Va. – Following a recent increase in tuition cost, the College of William and Mary has announced that they will now accept “an arm and a leg” as means of payment for attending the school. This new form of tuition has been [read more ... ]

Georgetown Alumnus Makes Sure You’re Aware He Knows Three Politicians Personally

WASHINGTON — Several Georgetown students were reportedly blown away during a Sunday afternoon networking event at the popular college bar, The Tombs, when recent alumnus Paul Brownstone assured his fellow Hoyas in no uncertain terms that he knew [read more ... ]

Dominion Buys Water Country USA; Uses Lazy River For Coal Ash Dump

WILLIAMSBURG, Va. — Dominion Energy has announced plans to purchase Water Country USA, a popular Williamsburg water park, with the intention of using the well-known Lazy River ride to dump excess coal ash. RELATED (article continued below): [read more ... ]

Visiting Californian Breaks Record for Most Complaints About Humidity in 24-Hour Period

RICHMOND, Va. — The Guiness Book of World Records announced yesterday that Taylor Elise Worthington of Encinitas, California, smashed the previous record for most complaints about Virginia’s famously oppressive humidity in a 24-hour period. [read more ... ]

Man Hospitalized for Sodium Overdose, Doctors Cite Salt Life

VIRGINIA BEACH, Va. — At approximately 3 a.m. Saturday Virginia Beach tourist and Fredericksburg native Doug Abernathy was rushed to a local hospital in critical condition. RELATED (article continued below): Castleburg Brewery and Taproom offers [read more ... ]

Alexandria Stoner Proposes Milk and Cookie Bar Idea for Fifth Time Today

ALEXANDRIA, Va. — Living up to his reputation as a man with many plans and absolutely no follow through, area stoner Max Kurtz has shocked exactly no one by coming up with the idea for a milk and cookie bar for the fifth time today. Sources close [read more ... ]

Low Temperatures Temporarily Reduce Stench Of Shockoe Bottom

RICHMOND, Va. – Following a period of unexpectedly cold temperatures, residents of Richmond’s Shockoe Bottom district are celebrating a noticeable reduction in the “Shockoe stank” that normally permeates the neighborhood. “I’m so [read more ... ]

VCU Hipster Determined To Find Hiking Trail You’ve Never Heard Of

RICHMOND, Va. – After a long weekend spent bunkered in the library preparing for upcoming exams, VCU junior Randy Cadinell announced yesterday that he will be heading to Shenandoah National Park next weekend to hike a beautiful trail that no one [read more ... ]

“Did you know that the moonshine in ABC stores is fake?” Says Guy Who Just Fucking Got Here

RICHMOND, Va. — During a recent work happy hour, North Carolina native Steven McComas, who just fucking got here, informed his co-workers that the moonshine sold in ABC stores is actually fake. McComas, who relocated from Raleigh for a job at [read more ... ]