Articles by Anderson Tilley

Gun Advocates Reward Selves With a Pat on the Back After Not Shooting Anyone at Rally

RICHMOND, Va. — Following a rally in support of the Second Amendment that saw no violence, gun enthusiasts rewarded themselves with a pat on the back for not shooting anyone, sources confirmed Tuesday. The rally, which attracted thousands of [read more ... ]

Report: Catastrophic Climate Change Definitely Worth Virginia’s 70 Degree Winter Weather

WAKEFIELD, Va. — A new report from the National Weather Service in Wakefield revealed that pleasantly warm temperatures throughout the winter months is totally worth the effects of catastrophic climate change, the organization announced Monday. [read more ... ]

Yankee Candle Christmas Gift Not Doing Enough to Save Failing Relationship

ALEXANDRIA, Va. — Local couple Ron Bell and Susan Higgins are entering year three of their relationship as they ramp up for yet another Christmas together. For the third year in a row, Higgins told Bell that she doesn’t want anything and just [read more ... ]

Tysons Corner Parking Garage Standoff Hits Hour 92

TYSONS CORNER, Va. — In the madness of the Christmas shopping rush, a standoff between drivers for a parking space in Tysons Corner Parking Garage C has hit its 92nd hour, officials confirmed Saturday. RELATED (article related below): Our online [read more ... ]

Plastered Terry McAuliffe Asked for Third Time to Not Crawl on Skee-Ball Ramp at Circuit

RICHMOND, Va. — Unrepentant in his desire to achieve a high score, a heavily intoxicated Terry McAuliffe had to be asked repeatedly not to crawl on the skee-ball ramp at The Circuit Arcade Bar yesterday. Witnesses said the former governor had [read more ... ]

Doctor Confirms Participant in Richmond Marathon Still Going to Die One Day

RICHMOND, Va. — Explaining that his healthy nature and superior endurance ultimately mean nothing, local doctors announced today that Anthem Richmond Marathon participant Christopher Locklear will still eventually die. Dr. Sharon Dorner, a [read more ... ]

Monument Avenue Millionaire Hands out Full-Sized Candy Bars Like Some Kind of Big Shot

RICHMOND, Va. — On All Hallows’ Eve, eleventh-generation Richmonder Edward Bellingham didn’t skimp on the sweet treats and reportedly handed out nothing but the good stuff all night long. A wealthy resident of Monument Avenue, Bellingham [read more ... ]

Redskins Training Camp Converted into Haunted House

RICHMOND, Va. — In the midst of a season of soul-crushing losing, the Washington Redskins have announced that, in order to try and bolster some midseason interest in the 1-6 disaster that vaguely resembles a football team, they will convert the [read more ... ]

Dominion Defends Controversial Decision to Bulldoze Entire Appalachian Mountain Range

RICHMOND, Va. — Claiming the decision was made with the best intentions, Dominion Energy is standing by their controversial commitment to completely destroy the Appalachian Mountain range. According to Dominion spokesperson Richard Deanders, the [read more ... ]