Articles by Anderson Tilley

Liberty University Overlooks Hebrews 13:4 in Exchange for Strong Option Offense

LYNCHBURG, Va. — Prioritizing the advancement of the school’s football program, Liberty University announced that they were willing to overlook Hebrews 13:4 in order to hire former Mississippi coach Hugh Freeze to lead the Liberty Flames, [read more ... ]

“Well, Can’t Be Worse Than Last Year,” Says JMU Basketball Coach Louis Rowe

HARRISONBURG, Va. — Coming off a disappointing 10-22 season, Louis Rowe, head coach of JMU’s men’s basketball team, is optimistic for the sole reason that expectations could not be lower. Citing scheming issues and the fact that a few teams on [read more ... ]

Henrico Family Forms New Tradition By Arguing Politics and Throwing Punches the Night Before Thanksgiving

HENRICO, Va. — In an innovative attempt to manage the stress caused by their relatives’ clashing personalities during the holidays, local couple Keith and Rebecca Krause made the decision this year to begin their family in-fighting on [read more ... ]

Suburban Resident Content With Less Than Mediocre Parallel Parking Job

RICHMOND, Va. — As indicated by his simple shrug and quick exit of the scene, it appears that Charlie Wright, a resident of the neighboring Mechanicsville area, is satisfied with his sub-par parallel parking job on 2nd street in Downtown [read more ... ]

Doctor Confirms Participant in Richmond Marathon Still Going to Die One Day

RICHMOND, Va. — Explaining that his healthy nature and superior endurance ultimately mean nothing, local doctors announced today that Anthem Richmond Marathon participant Christopher Locklear will still eventually die. Dr. Sharon Dorner, a [read more ... ]

Sulking Dave Brat Cheers up After Being Reminded He No Longer Has to Deal With Female Constituents

RICHMOND, Va. — Weeping in the aftermath of defeat in the Virginia midterm election, Rep. Dave Brat, R-7th, cheered up after being reminded that his district contained women, sources confirmed Wednesday morning. “It’s really too bad he [read more ... ]

God Postpones Apocalypse After Hiking Through Shenandoah Fall Foliage

HEAVEN — As his majestic voice beckoned throughout the clouds above, God announced yesterday that he has decided to postpone his forthcoming apocalypse until further notice after taking a hike through the autumn-colored wilderness of Shenandoah [read more ... ]

Monument Avenue Millionaire Hands out Full-Sized Candy Bars Like Some Kind of Big Shot

RICHMOND, Va. — On All Hallows’ Eve, eleventh-generation Richmonder Edward Bellingham didn’t skimp on the sweet treats and reportedly handed out nothing but the good stuff all night long. A wealthy resident of Monument Avenue, Bellingham [read more ... ]

Georgetown Alumnus Makes Sure You’re Aware He Knows Three Politicians Personally

WASHINGTON — Several Georgetown students were reportedly blown away during a Sunday afternoon networking event at the popular college bar, The Tombs, when recent alumnus Paul Brownstone assured his fellow Hoyas in no uncertain terms that he knew [read more ... ]