Articles by Jenna Carley

“Who’s Running in This Bitch Again?” Asks Shitfaced Terry McAuliffe in Voting Line on Election Day

RICHMOND, Va. — Reeking of various craft beers, a heavily intoxicated former Gov. Terry McAuliffe loudly yelled for someone to tell him who was running in the election, sources confirmed Tuesday. RELATED (article continued below): Terry McAuliffe [read more ... ]

VDOT to Install Porta Potties on Hampton Roads Bridge-Tunnel

HAMPTON, Va. — Citing the continued increase of heavy traffic on Interstate 64, VDOT has announced the addition of porta potties on the Hampton Roads Bridge-Tunnel, sources confirmed Monday. According to a press release from Ryan Kilbourne, Deputy [read more ... ]

New Research Reveals That Absolutely Nobody in Virginia Should Drive in Snow

FAIRFAX, Va. — A new study conducted by researchers at George Mason University has unveiled that Virginia citizens should never be allowed to drive in the snow, regardless of circumstance. RELATED (article continued below): WxRisk Says Don’t [read more ... ]

Joe Morrissey Spotted in Voting Line With Brown Paper Bag Over His Head

HENRICO, Va. — Four years after his unsuccessful campaign as an independent candidate in Richmond’s 2016 mayoral election, Rep. Joe Morrissey (D-16th) was seen standing in line at his voting precinct wearing a brown paper bag over his head, [read more ... ]

Following GWARbar Success, O.A.R. Bar Opens in Charlottesville to Much Fanfare, Bro

CHARLOTTESVILLE, Va. — When GWARbar opened its doors in Richmond’s historic Jackson Ward, the city greeted it with open arms, thrilled to patronize a business celebrating a legendary musical act with local ties. In Charlottesville, a new bar has [read more ... ]

Trump Team Accidentally Starts Border Wall At South Of The Border Resort

DILLON, S.C. — Last week, border wall construction officials mistakenly began building around the South of the Border resort in South Carolina, instead of along the intended U.S.-Mexican border. Since his presidential race began, Donald Trump has [read more ... ]

Manassas Resident Really Stretching Definition of D.C. Area

MANASSAS, Va. — Emphasizing that his hometown lies only a few minutes away from the nation’s capitol, Manassas resident Jacob Rich is really stretching the definition of the D.C. area, sources confirmed Sunday. Rich was recently seen in a [read more ... ]

Richmond Man Makes Fortune After Discovering Untapped Beard Oil Deposit

RICHMOND, Va. — A local man got the surprise of his life Thursday evening after discovering one of Richmond’s few remaining untapped beard oil deposits under the floor of his Fan apartment. RELATED (article continued below): Mechanicsville Votes [read more ... ]

Chief Martin Brody Declares Pony Pasture Closed Amid Shark Threat

RICHMOND, Va. — Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water, Chief Martin Brody, formerly of the Amity Island Police Department and currently serving as the James River Park System Superintendent, has declared that Pony Pasture [read more ... ]