Articles by Alice Ribbons

Norfolk Man Discovers Portsmouth Still Exists

NORFOLK, Va. — Local resident Mark Buckner was stunned this week to learn that Portsmouth, Virginia is still a city. Buckner, 25, reacted to the news of Portsmouth’s continuing existence with genuine astonishment. The Hampton Roads city was [read more ... ]

Trump Drafts Chincoteague Ponies to Form First Space Cavalry

ACCOMACK, Va. — Following a surprise statement earlier this week confirming that the United States would soon have a new branch of the military called the “Space Force,” President Donald Trump made headlines once again by revealing that the [read more ... ]

Williamsburg Colonist Actor Really Getting on British Patrolman Actor’s Nerves

COLONIAL WILLIAMSBURG, Va. — According to eyewitness accounts on and around Duke of Gloucester Street, Williamsburg colonist reenactor Frederick Blacker has really been getting on the nerves of British patrolman reenactor Roger Smith. Recently [read more ... ]

Passenger Jumps out of Uber to Avoid Conversation with Driver

TYSONS CORNER, Va. — In a desperate attempt to avoid discussing what he does for work and how long he’s lived in the area, Arlington resident David Murphy jumped out of an Uber after his driver made numerous failed attempts at [read more ... ]

Entire Family Reported Missing in Renaissance Festival Wench’s Cleavage

CROWNSVILLE, Md. — Police were baffled Saturday when a family of four went missing in a wench’s cleavage at the annual Maryland Renaissance Festival. The Mitchell family — David, 46, Anne, 43, and their children Charles, 11, and Scott, 9 — [read more ... ]

New Research Suggests 17 Percent of Richmond Is in No BS! Brass Band

RICHMOND, Va. — A recently released study suggests that approximately 17 percent of Richmonders are members of the local funk-jazz musical group No BS! Brass Band. This is shockingly low, due to the band’s seemingly immense size in relation to [read more ... ]

Drunk Woman Breaks Into 18 Camrys in the Fan

RICHMOND, Va. — A local woman was arrested late Friday night after systematically breaking into every Toyota Camry parked on Ellwood Avenue in the Carytown area of Richmond. Tanya Jones, 23, was detained by the police following a spree of forcing [read more ... ]

William and Mary Offers Extra Credit to Students For Basketball Game Attendance, Achieves First Sellout In History

WILLIAMSBURG, Va. — The College of William and Mary recorded the first ever sellout of a home basketball game in its 325 year history Monday night after offering extra credit to students in attendance. 5,217 students who were in dire need of a few [read more ... ]

Man Tramples Wife on His Way to Computer for Cyber Monday Deals

WILLIAMSBURG, Va. — In an effort to take advantage of Cyber Monday’s sales and discounts, Williamsburg resident Scott Adams trampled over his wife, Melody Adams, while rushing to his computer, sources confirmed Monday. The incident took place [read more ... ]